The pursuit of sexyness

The meaning of life is often referred to as the pursuit of happiness. (In the Will Smith film ‘happyness’) This is something I agree with in a sense but I think, for men especially, there is a higher pursuit. The pursuit of sex.

What makes people happy? Good frequent sex will be in the top 3 of most peoples list. On mine, and if we really think about it, all men’s lists it will be number one. If you are getting good sex you will be happy.

I have a theory, which I can only confirm with myself, that everything we do in life is in the pursuit of sex. We are kidding ourselves if we think otherwise.

This epiphany came to me cycling home from work today. I often give myself daft thought experiments to pass the time and this one gave me an insight into my own psyche. I pondered to myself ‘would I rather die or have my cock and balls cut off (painlessly, under anesthetic). Take a second to think about that… Done? Ok. On first thought I decided to get the Frank and beans cut off, I could still lead a happy life; learning, traveling, helping the less fortunate, going on adventures and party the night away in nightclubs.

Then I thought a little longer and made the, I think, 100% rational decision to chose the death option.

You see, the only reason I want to do any of the above mentioned things now is to get laid. When I fantasise about traveling I do not think of all the breath-taking sights, the ancient ruins or the fascinating other cultures. First thing is the opportunity to be the exotic, comparatively rich, English man charming the pants off the natives and other travelers. Admittedly we will want to see the sights and cultures to but they are an afterthought and the main reason we want to see them is so we can be perceived as well-traveled, intelligent and a ‘free spirit’ (whatever that means) when we return home. Why do we want this? Sex.

‘Women want an intelligent man’ This is what glossy magazines, dating websites and TV shows have been forcing down our necks for years. I don’t know if it is even true, possibly in looking for a life partner but not for single nights of passion eh girls?
 This is the reason people read intelligent books. Granted, they are interesting in their own right. The main reason I read books is so I can have conversations about a variety of things with women (and men in a non-sexual way, although being seen to be having a serious conversation with mates will probably enhance your attraction meter a little too) and come off as intelligent and informed about current events.

People go on diets, why? To attract the opposite sex and get some loving. 

Even going out drinking is a route on the pursuit of sexyness. We drink beer to help with our social lubrication and to meet women. Even if we drink it at home with our friends with no girls in sight we usually end up talking about sex and getting invaluable tips from our plastered friends.

We give to the homeless and the needy to come off as generous – a route to sex.

This may paint a bleak portrait of the human race but sexual reproduction is the only way that our species will survive. We are evolutionary hardwired to want sex. As we are the only animal in the world that cannot rape to reproduce, we have to earn our mutual orgasms by bettering ourselves. We men are peacocks, the better our proverbial tail-feathers, the better our chance of sex.